written for my boyfriend who lives, works and goes to school in London. this goes out to all that were affect by the bombings there, and to all that are effected by terrorism all over the world. - CL
turtledovetears
Any other Thursday
I would have picked up the phone
And called you
And let your smile carry through the surgically mirandized telephone wires
Any other Thursday
It would have calmed my daydoubts and twinged nerves: a warm spread of lukeflavored passion
But this Thursday
The bottom fell out of our wandering scheme
And the minutes ticked by juxtaposed with rings on the phone
And the wait; the pressure building up in my heart smashing my calm cool reason
Into tiny little shards of horridnightmares
And
When I finally got through, the tears running down my face, stung and
My speech ranrivers: muddled
Your softened tongue rattled my brain
Lost was all composure
Any other Thursday
I would have joked about your silly obsession with Man U
And the color red
You would have called my bluff and starkissed me thoughtfully
Any other Thursday
Jack would ask for advice with mesneNicki
And I would have made him
Blush the color of the februaryroses
But this wasn’t
Any other Thursday
Through the breakingballblasts
It made me heartcherish
What little we both have
And the time we with tremblehands hold it
Like lostlittlebutterflies
Until it flits away
In the black of smokerummbled
Antonym of a berceuse*
*a lullaby
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
thank you guys for such lovely reviews. And yes TBR those words were written together...my writing mostly my poetry often shows the influence of e.e. cummings. he put words together to add to the meaning. entirely for poetry that's meant to be read and not read aloud.
and shriek: meh...I don't think everything supposed to be understood. meh. but thanks for pointing it out.
love y'all CL
I liked this very much.
To reiterate what someone before me said, I enjoyed the way you used "Any other Thursday" to tie different thoughts together. I especially liked this stanza: "But this Thursday / The bottom fell out of our wandering scheme / And the minutes ticked by / juxtaposed with rings on the phone / And the wait; the pressure building up in my heart smashing my calm cool reason / Into tiny little shards of horridnightmares." Incredible.
The ending seemed a tad weak to me in comparison with the rest of the poem. Maybe I'm really stupid (this probably is the case), but I just didn't understand it.
I don't mean to just repeat what has been said, but this really is a very beautiful poem.
I don't think I even possess the ability to write that beautifully.
Very well done.
Also, my thoughts are with all those who had to go through the same experience such as you did.
I agree with Liz (TBR). It was very beautiful and if I had a boyfriend I would wish I could write things like this about him, too. I loved how you kept using "Thursday" without exactly sounding repetitive. Very beautiful.
Great job.
This was seriously beautiful.
I wish I could write something for my boyfriend like this.
Question: Were some words like februaryroses supposed to be like that or was it writen in haste?
It was still beautiful in my opinion.
I hope he is ok, and all my blessings are with them.